A Handful of Pebbles

For this week's issue, I want to take a step back and reflect. In the last issue, I began to explore the concept of openness as it relates to leadership. I'll continue that exploration in a more practical sense, but this issue will be more introspective regarding openness. One of my basic beliefs about leadership is that you must first lead yourself. To do that, you must be open with yourself about your beliefs, your values, and your priorities. When one is open with oneself and about oneself, it is called "authenticity."

People tend to follow leaders they see as credible and authentic, and each person's definition of those terms is unique. In recent years, brashness - the willingness to say or do what others won't - has been popularly confused with authenticity. But brashness, especially when paired with charisma, can convey an illusion of authenticity that contradicts how one has actually lived and conducted oneself.

We have seen this illusion of authenticity play out on our national stage in recent years, but it also plays out daily closer to home. The technology industry is full of executives who profess to value people when things are going well but are all too willing to trot out business-speak tropes to justify upending the lives of the very people they had professed to value the moment a formula in a spreadsheet looks slightly less favorable. People who take that approach may very well end up with piles of money, and if that is their measure of success, then I wish them well swimming in the shallow end.

For many years, I have tried to live - imperfectly - according to a simple tenet: "Treat people well whenever you can, without any expectation of return." Let me state again that I have not been perfect in this regard. Sometimes there is no good option, so I typically choose the one that leaves a person thinking less of me rather than thinking less of themselves.

In recent months, I experienced an unexpected career change. In the aftermath of that, as I began working my network, I experienced something I did not expect. Numerous people reached out, made unsolicited posts of support or recommendation on social media, made unsolicited connections for me, or simply reached out to make sure I was okay. Many of these efforts led to solid opportunities, and I was blessed to have a number of good options to choose from. Ultimately, I chose to start my own business, but I hope those who made other connections for me understand how much I appreciate their efforts.

That tenet - treat people well whenever you can, without any expectation of return - is a quiet one on a day-to-day basis. On any given day, it can take many forms - connecting a person with an issue with another person I think can help, writing a blog post about a technical issue that I encountered, mentoring people (whether I work with them or not), reviewing a resume, providing presentation guidance, advocating for as generous a severance package as I can, offering a candidate more than their ask because they don't understand their market value, or any of a number of things.

Each of these activities typically takes very little of my time on its own. As a result, from my standpoint, most of my day is simply doing my own work, which can feel like I'm out of view. As I began my own search, I came to realize that each of these actions was like a small pebble tossed into a pond, generating ripples. I never really saw when or how each ripple touched a shore or moved an object floating in the pond. It wasn't until I pushed off from the shore myself that I felt those ripples come back.

Time and again, I have heard about blog posts I had written that helped someone solve a problem, connections I had made that paid off in some way, or times I had simply listened and offered my perspective. To be perfectly honest, I had forgotten about many of these instances, but I guess that’s the point. It doesn’t mean they weren’t meaningful to me, but having no expectation of return means turning them loose to be what they will be.

To be perfectly honest, most people will forget simple kindnesses they receive and move on. That’s okay. Some will use them to take advantage of you, and others will think you are a fool for doing them in the first place, especially if you have no expectation of return. But if you treat people well often enough and consistently enough, many will remember it. They will see you leading yourself with authenticity, and it will resonate with them. And that is the foundation of any leadership worthy of the term.

So I will continue to treat people well without any expectation of return. That approach was validated for me many times over. It just so happens that I did get a return, but when you aren’t expecting one, you see it for what it is - a blessing rather than an entitlement.

Thank you for reading.